The Man in the Moon
Kelly was your typical eight-year-old girl. She was energetic, happy, and had a wild imagination. Every night after her parents tucked her into bed, Kelly would crawl out of bed and go over to her window. She would stare up at the big bright moon every night. Her imagination would run wild about who lived on the moon, what the moon was made of, and where the moon went during the day.
One night, Kelly’s mom came in to check on her and saw her over by the window. She went over, joined her, and asked what she was doing. Kelly explained that she had heard at school that there was a man in the moon, so she was waiting to see him. Kelly’s mom giggled and smiled at her, and then looked up to the moon and started to point out the face of the man on moon. Kelly was thrilled. She really thought the moon had a face and was a person.
Kelly’s mom tucked her back into bed and Kelly dozed off to sleep. It felt like only minutes later that Kelly heard a voice calling her name. She sat up and saw the moon right outside her window. She saw every detail of his face too.
“Come here,” he said.
Without thinking, Kelly got out of bed and went over to the window.
“Hello, Kelly, I am the man in the moon. I have noticed you watching me for many nights. I am flattered, “ said the moon.
Kelly was so excited she could not even speak. She just stood there smiling ear to ear.
“Kelly, please come join me up in the sky. I will be the man in the moon and you can be a beautiful star right by my side,” said the moon.
“I can be a beautiful star?” Kelly exclaimed. “I have watched you for as long as I can remember, and I would love to be a big bright star up in the sky with you!”
The moon smiled at Kelly and explained to her that all she had to do was touch the moon and they would travel up into the sky together to live side-by-side forever. Kelly wasted no time. She opened the window, reached out, and touched the moon. Before she knew it she was flying through the air headed to the sky. As she was flying, she was slowly transforming into a star.
As soon as she was in place next to the moon as a star, Kelly heard another voice.
“Kelly, Kelly honey, it's time to wake up,” said the voice.
Just as quick as her dreams had come true of being with the man in the moon, she realized it was just that: a dream. Kelly’s mom was standing over her, waking her up for school. Even though she was disappointed it was only a dream, she felt a new connection to the moon. Every night she continues to look out her window before going to bed to tell the man in the moon good, hoping that she will see him again in her dreams.
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| (Photo taken from WikiMedia Commons) |
This story is based on the story The Maiden Who Loved a Star. The original story is about a girl who falls in love with a sky dweller, which turns out to be a star. The girl wants to die so she can go up to the sky and be near the star she loves. However, when she goes to seek help to accomplish this, instead she is turned into a bush. The story goes on to tell how the branches reach high up into the sky near the star. The star then fell upon the bush and created what we know as Purple Sage. Purple Sage has purple flowers that look almost dusted with white. The white is representative of the star.
After reading through the story a few times, the sky dweller reminded me more and more of a man in the moon. As a child, I thought the moon had a “face” and that the face belonged to a person of some sort, hence “the man in the moon.” I wanted to elaborate on that in this story and myth I had believed as a child.
The original story simply sparked a reminder of my childhood imagination. That is really the only connection the two stories had to begin with. This published story is much different from the first draft I wrote up. My first draft did not really connect like I wanted it to, so I just kept rewriting. As I kept writing and kept tweaking things, I decided to follow along with the original story line a little more and have the main character “love” the moon, much like the Indian girl loved the star. I also wanted to keep a more modern feel to the story. I know that I connect better with modern stories so I wanted my readers to do the same.
Bibliography
The Maiden Who Loved a Star
Tejas Legends Unit
When the Storm God Rides: Tejas and Other Indian Legends
Florence Stratton and Berniece Burrough, 1936
Hi Molly! I think you did a great job with this storytelling! I thought you were going to take this tale in a Peter Pan-esque direction. But then I read your author's note and saw you based your tale off of The Maiden Who Loved a Star. I actually read that unit for week 9, and I like the changes that you made to the tale to truly make it your own. I am sad, since Kelly doesn't get to shine brightly next to the moon, but you needed an element to your story to make it more realistic and modern. Great job!
ReplyDeleteGreat story and very nice way to tell it. I can personally relate to Kelly and her sadness, because I know the feeling of having an alarm go off when I am in the middle of a dream. Very nice touch of reality there. I didn't find any errors I can report, so great job on that too. Again, I thought you did a really good job!
ReplyDeleteHey Molly! I have never read the original story, but I really liked your version. Your author's note did a great job of explaining the background of the story and what you were trying to achieve with it. I understand exactly what you mean when you just can't get the story to connect the way it does in your head. I think you were very creative in your story crafting. I like that the mother in the story doesn't discourage the girl, but instead gives her inspiration to dream more! I really thought she was going to jump out the window to be with the moon and die. I very thankful that wasn't the case! I only thing I have to suggest is In the first paragraph it should be should be "stare up." Overall, I think you did a great job and I look forward to reading more of your stories!
ReplyDeleteHey there Molly, I really liked your version of the story having the little girl be in love with the man on the moon. Although I have never read the original story I do say it seems that you did a good job connect them. I also like how you made your version more modern in the sense that Kelly had the wild imagination of any eight-year-old girl and would dream such a thing. In the end she is awaken by her mother waking her up to go to school. That feeling while your having a dream then you are woken up because you have to go school is one I can remember because it is a feeling I have had before in the past. I think that is one of the biggest reasons I like your story. It is very relatable because of the modern twist you gave it. Good job, Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteWow Molly, I absolutely loved this story! After reading your rendition and your author's note, I think that I might want to read that unit sometime. I love how you connected the story with your own childhood curiosity. I think that this story is something that most of us can actually relate to. I think that is so powerful for storytelling, so nicely done. I did notice a few typos here and there that you could easily find if you maybe read the story out loud. Overall, I think you did a great job of describing what was happening and adding in details that really gives the reader good information. Awesome job!
ReplyDeleteHi Molly,
ReplyDeleteI thought this story was so cute! I loved reading it. Your author's note was really helpful in showing why you decided to have the girl fall in love with he man on the moon rather than a sky dweller, aka a star. It was a really whimsical tale you told and I love how the mother is quite supportive of the little girl. Once again, I think you did a good job of making the story very modern and making it really relatable. It even helps that you kind of incorporated your experiences as a child into the story. You're doing a really good job with your portfolio. I am happy I came back to read more of your stories and I cannot wait to see how the rest of your stories develop. Good job!
Hi, Molly. I like the retelling of your story! I was instantly hooked on the story and found myself finished with he story when I thought I had just begun. It was really interesting that the story actually turned out to be a dream. This reminds me of stuff that I read about kids an the silly things that kids do. Your author's note really helped out a lot and helped to further get into the story. I haven't read the original story but your author's note helped me to figure out the connections with your version and the original. You made it more relatable since you made the story seem like a more modern stage and with dreams that people could possibly have. I couldn't really find anything wrong with your story except a few typos. I look forward to reading more of your stories.
ReplyDeleteHey Molly,
ReplyDeleteI was just browsing through random portfolios and this story title caught my eye. I liked your story. It was so sweet and had innocence that an 8 year old would have. I was surprised by the original story. The differences between yours and the original is significant but good. It shows your creativity. I also thought this seemed like a Native American story and now I see that I was right. I like how you put how you were inspired to write this in your author's note, especially since they were so different. If your other writings are like this I bet their great. It's a shame I haven't read them earlier. Really good job!